A Message For Andrew

remember · Posted: 24 Dec 2005 10:49 pm Post subject: A Message For Andrew

Hello My Sweet Andrew,

I don’t know if you can hear me now. When you first died I am sure you were with me for several days, off and on. You may have moved on now, trying to learn and understand the mysteries of our universe that we won’t know until we join you, my darling son. I miss you more than I can put into words, more than anyone could ever imagine. We were always very close. We understood each other.

There was something I was supposed to tell you, but I was waiting to see you again. One day I was taking a walk and thinking about life. I had an epiphany, a vision you might say. In everyone’s life, there is the most beautiful sunset that God will give you to see from your place on earth. This sunset might be missed if you are inside not paying attention. Therefore, the second most beautiful sunset, and the third, and so on… will occur during your lifetime. If you missed the most beautiful one, the second one is really just slightly different, just a little bit less of an impression. It is also very beautiful. The same with the third one.

Love is the very same way, Andrew. You will fall in love with someone and you might think this is it. This is absolutely the most love that I can have for another human being. But guess what? The second and the third most intense love that you will have is only slightly less. You will not even know the difference.

We have so much love to give in our lives. Some people will be kind to each other and others will not treat you with the respect and love that you deserve, that you need. Get out and don’t feel remorse about this. They will find another love, and even more important, Andrew, you will also love again.

I am so sorry, Andrew, that I didn’t tell you this before you died. I thought there would be more time with you. I am not sure if this would have made a difference in your decisions that lead to your death.

I treasure every moment we shared, honey, and now that it is my first Christmas without you, I especially like to reflect on last Christmas. I was very excited to have started an art piece for you. When you came home, I took you up to your room, and showed you my work. This art was made in layers, and we took a moment to appreciate it before we started removing the stencils and the masking tape together, so that we could see a second art piece underneath. I could tell that you really loved it and I was so pleased by you, my son, actually liking something that I created for you. The only thing, it wasn’t finished yet. I had reserved area in the shape of a circle, where I was going to place an image of a man running inside a protective bubble. The piece is called “Sanctuary Under Chaos”. I didn’t tell you how I was going to complete the piece, and I also didn’t tell you the name of the artwork. This was supposed to be a surprise. What does this mean? Andrew, when you ran, you were clear-headed, able to handle anything in your life. The last few months of your life, you were not running as much as you used to, and I really felt that you needed to protect yourself from all of the stress you had by running. So far, honey, I still haven’t finished the piece. But, I know that you treasured it as it was. You bragged about its value to a friend just a month before you died. Again, I thought there would be more time.

Well, honey, now that I have bored everyone with my memories, it is time to go. But know this. I am always thinking of you. I could have never asked for a better son. I am extremely proud of who you are. You have touched so many lives in so many ways, and everyone treasures knowing you. You could have been anything you wanted to be. You made people laugh. You could have been a stand-up comedian, or you could have been a model.

You broke a lot of hearts, honey. All the girls thought you were the bomb. Even though you left us, we cannot judge the pain that you were in. But, Andrew, you are free now. All we want is for you to be happy, safe, and know how much we love you.

Peace To You

I Will Love You Forever
_________________
Andrew's Mom